10 Things I Know After a Long (-er than anticipated) Absence
Dear Rule-Breaker,
I’m so happy you are here! If you’re new to Rule-Breaking News or if you’ve been around a while, I hope you’ll find this to be a safe space to learn, un-learn, and grow.
It’s been a while since I’ve shared anything new with you. It seems like the longer I wait to share, the harder it gets to start back up again. Maybe you struggle with this, too, but when I take a break from something, it makes me nervous to pick it back up again. It’s like seeing a friend you haven’t seen or talked to in years. Where do we even begin?
This is why I love the practice that I’ve cultivated over the past couple of years—writing ten things I know or that I’m learning. It is grounding, and it usually helps me to ease back in to my writing practice when I’m feeling that, “Where do I even begin?” anxiety creeping in. After all, I am learning the best place to start is usually right where we already are.
With that, here are 10 things I know (or that I’m learning):
I know that this keyboard is dusty, a sure sign that it has indeed been a while since I’ve sat down to write in this space.
I know this presents me with a decision—take this opportunity to write that I carved out for myself or get up, find something to dust with, and dust. This will most likely lead me to clean other things and before I know it, my “writing time” has slipped through my fingers, and it’s time to pick up the kid or make dinner.
I know that I can be a master procrastinator. I can find a million ways to fill any free time I have, some important and some not so much.
I know that part of this tendency to procrastinate stems from what I call “Goldilocks Syndrome” where we wait on perfect conditions to do something (see this post), but perfect conditions rarely arise on their own so we are left waiting forever.
I know that I have been reading a book called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. It is a great read for anyone with a partner and kids to care for, but there are some great lessons for all of us recovering rule-followers.
In the book, Rodsky delves into what she calls “unicorn space.” She argues that it is something everyone needs—men, women, everyone. It’s what makes us uniquely ourselves, but it is an all-too-often neglected part of our lives. It is usually pushed down our priority list despite its importance.
So what is unicorn space? Unicorn space is NOT the same as self-care. It is not going to get your hair and nails done. It isn’t hanging out with friends. It isn’t sitting and reading a book. Unicorn space IS embracing your authentic self by pursuing a creative passion driven by curiosity and sharing it with the world.I know that I feel most alive when I am creating. I love writing in my journal about things that I am learning or things I am curious about. It’s fulfilling in its own right, but when I take that writing a step further and share it with you all, my fellow recovering rule-followers, it brings a whole other level of fulfillment and joy. Writing, in this season, is what I do with my unicorn space.
I know that “unicorn space,” much like anything worth doing, doesn’t just happen on its own. It takes intention. It takes saying no to other commitments we may want to do equally as much i.e. meeting a dear friend for coffee or snuggling up with a good book or cozy sitcom you’ve seen a million times.
I know that I love spending time connecting with my friends, but I also need time to reconnect with myself.
I am learning this is what unicorn space is for—reconnecting to ourselves through curiosity and creativity, and then sharing our authentic selves displayed through these things with the world—even if it’s just a small piece of the world like your family and friends.
I know that, sometimes, living into our values instead of “the shoulds” isn’t necessarily the easier path. There is still the hard and worthy work of choosing how to spend the small, wild and beautiful moments that make up our lives—but I am learning it is much more fulfilling.
With that, I’d love to hear from you…Do you currently make time for “unicorn space?” What would you do if you had time for it? If you already make time, what do you do with your “unicorn space?” How do you make time for it? If you struggle to make time for it, what is something you can do today or over the coming week to change this?
As always, thanks for being here, rule-breaker. You are always welcome here.
Rest Easy,
Lauren Lanoue
P.S. Eve Rodsky has written a whole book on Unicorn Space which I am adding to my TBR list after finishing this one.