Dear Rule-Breakers,
It’s December. A month whose name breeds fear, stress, and anxiety in the hearts of many who partake in the holiday festivities. There’s gift-buying, events, parties with coworkers, family, and friends, increasingly expensive gift lists and tighter budgets, grief and all the other emotions that tend to pop up around this time of year, and the foreboding nature of the last month of the year. December signals the end of yet another year and points out the rule that says we have to “finish well.”
It’s no wonder this time of year makes us feel stressed, lost, and exhausted.
But what if…
What if instead of letting the Rulebook or the list of “Shoulds” dictate how we move through this season, we instead let our values lead the way?
This time of year is the perfect opportunity to revisit and realign with our values. We have to, really. Otherwise, we run ourselves ragged and depleted. There’s no joy in that.
I value intentionality and margin. Therefore, living life led by my values, for me, looks a lot like being thoughtful about what I say yes or no to. It does NOT look like keeping the same pace that I always try to keep. There’s simply too much especially these days.
With all that said, I had not planned on taking a writing and social media break for the month of December. Nonetheless, it has sort of happened that way, and I’ve decided to flow with it. And so, this will be the last edition of Rule-Breaking news for the year 2023.
Since the end of the year presents us with this special time of reflection, for this last newsletter of 2023, I’ve decided to compile a list of 10 revolutionary ideas that I have learned this year. Some I have shared with you already, but I’ve sprinkled some new ones in, too:
Focusing on the outcomes and waiting around for reassurance are some of the biggest distractions in any creative work. Instead, focus on the process and reassure yourself that you are capable and able to make sound decisions.
Follow your curiosity and your intuition. They know the way.
Stop waiting for “just-right” conditions before taking action. Think things through if you need to, but stop waiting for perfect conditions that will never be there.
Keep a rock in your pocket. They are one of the best tactile reminders that this shit (whatever your unique shit is) is really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. How?
That rock is real. The thoughts in your head are just thoughts, made up and imaginary. They might reflect some level of truth, but there is nothing imaginary about the rock.
That rock was here long before you and will be here long after you, most likely.
That rock is a reminder that we are literally living on a floating and spinning rock hurling through Outer Space—this vast universe, with its infinite and ever-growing wisdom and capacity. And we’re just here on this spinning rock, living our lives.
Being a "good mom” sometimes means NOT being able to be a “good daughter.” If we can’t do both, it is more important to honor ourselves and our descendants than it is to honor our ancestors.
Just because we may feel complicated emotions about a decision, doesn’t mean it isn’t the right next step. Just because something is difficult, doesn’t mean it isn’t “meant to be” or that we shouldn’t be doing it.
You are allowed to change your mind. It does not make you disloyal. It does not make you flaky. It doesn’t even make you indecisive.
Over-thinking is not a negative trait. It means you think things through, and that’s not a bad thing. Also, I am trying to stop using the word “over-thinking.” I prefer the term “thorough-thinking.”
Envy isn’t always a bad thing that needs to be avoided. It’s an emotion, and like all emotions, they can help point us towards things we need to notice. Envy can sometimes point us towards what we want. Since recovering rule-followers struggle to know what they want, envy can actually be of value if we use it to our benefit. How? If we’re envious of someone, think about what they have or what they’re doing that you wish you had or could also be doing. Perhaps you also want that thing.
Celebrate your wins, no matter how small, even if no one else notices or matches your energy about it. Celebrate anyway.
And one more as a bonus. This lesson has gotten me through many a tough days this year:
Life is a balance between savoring and surviving. There are moments for savoring; there are moments for surviving, and some moments are a mix of both. Life is still a beautiful adventure worth living. To quote J.M. Barrie, “To live will be an awfully big adventure.”
And maybe that is enough.
Well, there you have it! 10 (+1) things I’ve learned this year.
I’d love to hear about something YOU’VE been learning this year. Let us know in the comments!
And just one more thing:
Remember that you get to decide how you spend your time and energy this holiday season. Decide based on your values instead of what you think you “should” do and I think you will discover that you have more energy and that you are experiencing more joy and rest during this beautiful time of year than ever before. Looking forward to talking more about living into your values in the upcoming new year. Until then, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
Keep Breaking Those Rules,
Lauren Lanoue