Over the last several months, I’ve been writing here about what it takes to be a healthy rule-breaker—I call it The Rule-Breaker Code. Holidays, sickness, and well, life caused us to need a bit of a break on that topic. But now, we’re back at it! Here’s a quick recap of what we’ve talked about so far:
1) Rule-Breakers are good students.
How are they good students? They pay attention—they practice self-awareness and listening to themselves, their bodies, and their intuition (inner knowing). They ask good questions that challenge the rulebook especially questions that start with “why?” They actively participate in their own lives. They don’t just sit back and watch life happen to them; they are present, mindful, and practice healthy ambition. They practice because UN-learning involves as much or even more practice as learning. And lastly, they are committed to the un-learning process.
If you want to read more on this topic, check these out this blog post or “Three Mindset Shifts for the Modern Day Revolutionary.”
2) Rule-breakers embrace change and growth.
Nearly a year ago, I took a risk and made a huge change to the topic and themes of my writing. You can read more about this change here and here.
This change reflected a deep change that had been happening within my self. My writing evolved along with me. It was a scary move to make considering what I had been writing about, up to that point, felt…safe. But as we are about to be reminded, rule-breakers must take risks. And this was a necessary risk for me to take in order to be true to myself. I have yet to regret my decision. The words I’ve written over the last year have felt real and authentic, and that is what happens when we embrace change and growth—it also means embracing authenticity—our fullest and truest selves.
P.S. I wrote about some other changes in my life and the inevitable growth here, for your further reading pleasure.
3) Rule-Breakers take risks.
As rule-followers, taking risks is a huge no-no. The no-noest of no-noes, if you will. But in order to shed the pages of the rulebook, we must begin by taking risks. Start with something small. Even if it doesn’t go as you expected, I almost guarantee that you will learn and grow in some way from the experience. In this blog post, I share six gifts that come with taking risks including creating space for growth, more self-confidence, and new opportunities.
If you want to read more about taking risks, here are a couple of other posts for you:
“For When Friendship Feels Too Risky”
4) Rule-breakers understand that it is impossible to please everyone.
Rule-following and people-pleasing might as well be synonyms. Isn’t that really the reason we try to follow all their rules (and our own)? It’s protection from displeasing other people. We want everyone to be happy with us, all the time, always. But it just isn’t possible. Rule-breakers know this, and don’t waste their time trying…most of the time. We all have our moments.
Something I realized recently about people-pleasing is how we use it as a way to self-sabotage. If you missed the blog post about the Inner Saboteur, it’s definitely worth checking out as well as these other two posts dealing with people-pleasing:
“Breaking the People-Pleasing Addiction”
“On the Role of Shame in People-Pleasing”
5) Rule-breakers practice self-compassion.
As nice as recovering rule-followers typically are to others, we can be incredibly harsh, too, especially to ourselves. That’s why if we want to become rule-breakers, we have to practice self-compassion. Learning to do this well requires time, support from loving friends, patience, and practice—more doses of these than most. Why? Because rule number one and rule number two in The Rulebook are the most well-ingrained and dangerous of them all.
Rule Number One? I am broken. Rule Number Two? I am alone.
It’s the entire goal of the rulebook—to make us feel both broken and alone—and unfortunately, The Rulebook accomplishes this goal more often than not. However, if we can unlearn these two rules, which arguably are two of the most difficult, then the rest of the rulebook begins to crumble much more easily. Un-learning these rules and learning to practice self-compassion work hand-in-hand.
Practicing self-compassion teaches us two NEW truths: I am NOT broken; I am human. I am NOT alone in my struggles.
You can read more about this topic in these posts:
“Two Rules That Keep Rule-Followers From Practicing Self-Compassion”
“Stop Goldilocks-ing Yourself”
Over the next couple of months, I’ll be writing about the next two “guidelines” in the Rule-breaker Code: Rule-breakers live by their values not The Shoulds and Rule-breakers lead themselves. Look for them in the coming weeks!
Before you go, I’m curious to know which of the rule-breaking traits listed above that you struggle with the most as a recovering rule-follower. I invite you to share with us in the comments. Let us know how we can support you!