Hey There Rule-Breakers,
It’s been a while, and I’m so glad you’re here! After having a longer-than-expected break, I am back…ish. I’ve missed sharing words with you. Still, it feels weird and more difficult than normal to be sitting at a computer writing at the moment. I somehow have a million things to say while simultaneously feeling like I don’t want to say anything at all. Seems about right for this time of year.
We’ve stumbled into a new year whether we’re ready for it or not, and for me, that means an all-too-familiar emotional cocktail—the “beginning of a brand new year” blend, if you will. Maybe the taste is familiar to you; it’s a combination of angst, ambition, sadness, excitement, hope, regret, grief, relief, shame, and maybe some notes of something we can’t quite name.
For me, this looks like wanting to set goals so I can go ahead and get to crushing them while also having a deep need and desire to simply rest, recover, maybe wallow a bit, or grieve some things from the previous year.
And The Rulebook takes any chance to remind me all the ways, in its not-even-a-little-bit-humble opinion, that I am still not enough.
Maybe you’re feeling some similar conflicting emotions—thinking about all the things you “should have” done better in the previous year and all the ways you wish you could do better this year if only that fickle friend, motivation, would show up on time once in a while.
If you’re feeling this strange mix of emotions, too, or perhaps your own unique blend, here are a few things that I am trying to remember or put into practice to help move myself a little more gently through this post-holiday, beginning-of-the-new-year season, and I invite you to join me.
No matter what The Rulebook says, you CAN actually feel all of those emotions at once. There is nothing wrong with feeling conflicting emotions. Try to carve out some time to sit with them, feel them, write about them, talk to someone who can listen while you sort through them, or whatever helps you.
Yes. It is a new year. However, you do not have to change everything about yourself just because it is the beginning of a new year. A New year does not have to mean a new you. You are still you, and anyway, I think this version of you is pretty awesome in its own way.
I’ve said before that rule-breakers embrace growth and change so there are going to be ways in which we wish to grow. Be gentle with yourself and take things slowly. You do not have to make resolutions that will cause you to feel like a failure. You don’t even have to make resolutions if you don’t want to. You do not have to have a word of the year either if it doesn’t serve you.
This is a season. Literally. Life is cyclical and works in phases. The longer I live, the more I notice these cycles and phases and how they affect me, my moods, and those around me. Warmer seasons and less emotionally complex phases will come around again.
Before diving in to the new season, perhaps we can take time to thank the part of ourselves that carried us through last year before we tell them how to do things better this year. (I am paraphrasing this from an IG post by Laurenoflove .)
Play this song on repeat.
I look forward to sharing more thoughts and words with you this year, but I plan on taking some of my own advice. I’m giving myself permission to take my time, easing in to this new year.
The Rulebook uses new years to trick us into believing we have been given a clean slate when we haven’t. It leads us to believe that we can start over and do things “right this time” just because it’s a new year. If only it were that simple.
But our stories have already begun. A new year is just a continuation of a grander story. There is no reset. There is no redo. There is only this life. And life continues in phases and cycles.
Life—our past, present, and future.
May we embrace them all with empathy, compassion, and forgiveness towards ourselves and others.
May we accept where we have been because there is nothing we can change. May we only look back in gratitude in order to learn and grow…and celebrate!
May we look to the future with wide-eyed wonder and gentle hope. May we be gentle with ourselves as we learn and grow and work towards a brighter future.
May we embrace where we are even if we don’t hope to be there forever. May we make home here in this phase of life, within ourselves and with those around us still. May we embrace this season, too, along with its not-so-clean slate.
Keep Keeping the Light On,
Lauren Lanoue
P.S. Sometimes we need extra help and support in these seasons—Here is your permission to reach out! Call your doctor or therapist. Call a trusted friend. Reach out! You do not have to do it alone.