Hey Rule-breakers,
Have you ever met someone, and right away you sensed this certain…je ne sais quoi…something you can’t quite name, and yet you’re drawn to them for it? More than drawn to it, you’re envious of it. You end up feeling terrible about yourself because you can’t possibly emulate what they seem to so naturally embody.
And so the game begins. The Game of Comparison. A game with no clear-cut rules and in which no one wins.
It’s a game us recovering rule-followers are well-acquainted with. Re-entering career mode after being in stay-at-home-mom mode for so long has got me thinking about this more and more lately. Which is why I have put together this month’s 10 Things I Know (or I Am Learning) all about comparison. So here goes:
I know that one of the strongest barriers to self-leadership, sitting right alongside our desire to please others, is our compulsive need to compare ourselves to others.
I know that “comparison is the thief of joy,” and that no one wins in the game of comparison.
I know these things, but I also know I can’t seem to keep myself from being dragged back in to the fruitless game over and over despite the fact that it puts me at odds with my core values.
I know that comparison is also one of the strongest barriers to belonging and connection, and it can keep us from friendship, true success, and so much more.
I know that just because someone does something differently, doesn’t mean they’re doing it wrong, but I am still learning that just because I do something differently than someone else, doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong either.
I know that I have unique qualities, strengths, experiences, and more that make me a valuable member of my family, friendship circles, work team, and community.
I am still learning this thing that I know because I still look to others as models of how I “should” behave, think, look, feel, believe, etc.
I know that there is probably a healthy side to comparison, and I am still in the process of figuring it out.
I know that I would rather celebrate others when I notice these special and unique qualities…and maybe that’s where it can start—with noticing.
I am learning to notice when healthy comparison turns to competition, and instead, I am learning to turn competition into celebration of the unique strengths that each of us carry. And perhaps, this is a good place to start our journey towards retiring from the game of comparison. Or perhaps, we’re simply changing the game by writing our own rules.
With that, I invite you to join me in this transformation—let’s turn competition into celebration of each other’s unique strengths and qualities.
I would love to hear YOUR thoughts. How are YOU learning to quit the game or change the game of comparison?